I’ve been disgustingly miserable the last few weeks, slowly losing myself into nothingness. I’ve been past the point of tears to the point of merely existing. I got angry easily. I was always stressed. I held a lot of pent up resentment. That’s no way to live. I only wanted to be asleep. I wanted everything and everyone to go away. I spent hours on youtube just watching True Crime documentaries because it was all just mistakes, there was no happy endings, no disgusting love stories, no happiness. I resorted to a lot of unhealthy behaviours just to get by. Today, I stayed home from a dinner party that I was slightly uncomfortable with to play with the puppies and spent two hours on the phone with Ally. That conversation gave me a new drive, a new perspective and a new fight. She’s been going through a lot of the same things I have and she’s really helped me turn a huge trauma in my life into a very positive learning experience. I don’t want to lose that. I smiled for the first time in ages. I laughed, truly laughed for the first time in months. I thanked Dawn for all the wonderful support she’s given me these past couple months because, without her, I would be in so much more trouble. She has gone above and beyond as a friend and employer. I’ve really learned who my true friends are and their support has truly humbled me. Everyday is a blessing and I’ve forgotten to look. I’ve forgotten to make my lists of everything, even the little things I’m grateful for.
Today here are my 10 things:
1. I got word that the place I really want in Halifax is 99% confirmed. *Fingers crossed.*
2. My parents bought me the most epic Pj’s ever. Tardis footie onesie. With a hood, thumbholes and pockets.
4. Having a place to live rent free.
5. My parents raised a fighter.
6. People are actually reading the novel I’m writing, enjoying it and are moved by it.
8. I got to laugh, really, truly, joyfully laugh.
9. I have wonderful friends who truly care about me and support me.
10. I finished my first ever custom garter belt order!
I just wanted to take a moment to thank all my wonderful friends and family who have continued to support and love me throughout the years and this one especially. You are all truly beautiful individuals and you have blessed my life in so many ways. I may not always show or say or realize just how much you all do for me. I may take a lot of you for granted but I have been overwhelmed, humbled and surprised by your constant presence, care and concern. I love you all. You have all kept my head above waters. May life always be as wonderful to you as you have been to me. Thank you once again.